My Story
This is my 3rd time getting locked up. I have GTA (Grand Theft Auto) because one night my older sister was out of town and her friends left her. She called me crying saying she wanted to go home. I tried texting people that I know that could drive but no one was texting back, and the people that was texting back said "no" because it’s a school night. But I didn’t have no money to give her. My only option was to take my mom’s car, so that’s what I did! I took my moms car around 11pm and I got on facetime with a boy I use to talk to because he was helping me drive the car, because it was my first time driving and I was really scared because I didn’t have my permit on me that night, so I was driving dirty. I ended up driving almost 2 hours by myself and I was scared to death. I got to there around 2 in the morning, I got there safely though. After I got my sister we started back home, but instead of going home we went to our friends’ house and picked him up because my sister wanted to drink and smoke, I didn’t care because he said he got gas money for the car so I went to pick him up. After picking him up we all went to the park, they started drinking and smoking. But I wasn’t because I was driving and I wanted to make sure everyone made it home safely, that’s why I didn’t do anything, I stayed sobor. After the park we started driving around for like an hour, my sister looked up and saw we was at ATL I was scared, because I should’ve stayed home because I was on house arrest. I turned the car around and stared going back home it was 6 in the morning when we got back. I took our friend back home. By the time we took him home it was 7 am, but I wanted to see my little sister so I was texting her so I could go see her before I went home. We ended up seeing my little sister, I picked her up and took her to the park next to her house. And my little and big sister ended up drinking and smoking at the park, we was at the park until 11am. After I saw the time I said it was finally time to take my little and big sister home. So I did, I took my little sister home first, then I took my big sister home. After all that I went back home, but my mom called me saying she was waiting for me, I was scared but I still went home.
Written by Gavriella 17 yrs old. Your love and compassion for others marks your life. You get to choose if those are beauty marks flowing from wise, hard and compassionate choices you make or impressions left by manipulation wrapped in the disguise of love. We love you sweet Sister.
Dear Mom in Heaven
I sit here and ponder how very much I'd like to talk with you today. There are so many things we didn;t say. I know how very much you cared for me and others. Each time I think of you, I'll know you miss me too. An angel came and took you by the hand. Said your place is waitng for you in Heaven far above. You had to leave behind all those you dearly loved. You had so much to live for, you had so much to do... It still seems impossible that God has taken you. And though your life on earth has passed, in Heaven it starts a new beginning. You'll live for eternity, just as God has promised you. And though you've walked through Heaven's Gates we're never apart. For everytime I think of you, you're right here, deep within my heart.
Until We Meet Again
Those special memories of you will always bring a smile. If only I could have you back for just a little while.
Then we could sit and talk again just like we used to do. You always meant so very much and always will too.
The fact that you're no longer here will always cause me pain. But you're forever in my heart until we meet again.
Written by Maddie 13 Years - Your beautiful gift of bringing the heart to life is magical. We love you, our Sweet Poet - Never stop writing.
MANIAC
TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN OVER & OVER AGAIN WHY CAN'T I JUST BE A NORMAL KID? BEING FED ALL THESE MEDS NO THERAPIST COULD EVER MEND THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD. DAY TO NIGHT I IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD'VE BEEN LIKE IF I HAD ONLY TURNED MY CHIN TO WHAT I KNOW WASN'T RIGHT. MY DEMONS STAND CLOSE BEHIND READY TO CLOUD THE LIGHT. I TRY TO FIGHT BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT RIGHT. IM TOO FRIGHTENED MYSELF BY THE IMAGES THAT PLAY IN MY HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAIN LIKE A NIGHTMARE THAT NEVER ENDS.
Written by Lexa 17 Years - You are standing in the door to freedom, your choices are KEY. We love you Picka-Blue
LIFE SCARS
i've hid all my scars too scared to tell anyone too scared to show them. I don't wanna be judged. Ive never known what it's like to be loved. My whole life i've been taken advantage of. When I did tell, my scars ppl would say I'm lying. Ive been raped-n-beaten through my life. Multiple times i've wished to not be in this world no more. I keep trying. I've spent my past 3 B-Days locked up. My whole life i've had no one to love me. So I'd look for love in the wrong places. I'm 16 years old now and I'm still locked up waitng 4 it to get better. I'm trying to focus on being an adult so I can start my life over. Any time someone showed me real love I didn't know how to love them back and I'd feel like there using me. I've been hurt by so many ppl it's hard 4 me to trust or love. Im trying to tell ppl my story and not hide my scars bc i"ve realized I'm not the only one going through alot at a young age. The one person I trusted laced me and paid someone to rape me. After that day I live by the mantra "DTN" Don't Trust No one. Ppl nedda stop judging me when they don't know the things I've been through. My thing is everyone has scars, stop hiding them and let them show.
FEELING LOCKED
Why do I have all these feelings locked up inside of me? Only to bang on my heart to be released to be free. It's the feelings of love, fear, hate, confusion. And hope to feel like i'm being pulled along by a rope. why do people like to play with my emotions like they do? To lead me on to think that they love me too. Am I just a toy? A toy that likes to be pushed and played with by a boy. What have I done to deserve such confusion from all yall? I'm not that girl that you can just push around and use so you better realize, b4 it's too late.
Both Written by Des 16 Year - Sweet Girl, you are cherished and loved! Thank you for sharing your scars...We love you.
FROM MY SOUL
I felt the pain the day that I opened my eyes. I knew from the moment that my mama would never truly hear my cries. Left me in the crib by myself at a very young age, I started to loose hope feeling like I was stuck in a cage.
So I grew up with hurt in my heart, lookin at parents like they were just "plain " a part and I forgot how to dream cause I watched my parents always doing the exteme and I remember tellin' my mama I wanted to fly, then the next day lookin' at her sayin' "Hey mama, I think I wanna die."
Beggin' for attention and her affection Beggin' for her to look at me, to help me feel free, and lookin' up at the sky sayin', God why me?"
So for the first time I popped some pills tryna take the wasy way out, and for a second I felt better not having to scream and shout.
But the pain all came rushing back and I sat there wondering if I'd ever have my life on track.
THE MIND
This prison that I'm trapped in It enfulfs me in self doubt, takes every accomplishment and flips it inside out. One secong I'm beautiful, then the next I'm not enough, tells me it's ok to cry, but then tiells me to be tough. Reminds me everyday of the heart-ache and pain, saying to me that good choices are all in vain. I'ts filled with love one minute and hate the very next. And who is this, well it's my mind and it like to make me feel confined.
Written by Sadie D. 16 Years - Doing amazing, living her life and loveing others. We love you Sweet Songbird
Changing in life...
Every night I sat up thinking dang when is my life gonna come...I was out in these streets I was confused on who I wanted to become...Momma told me babygirl this aint the life...I too busy caught up I didn't want wanna listen the advise she was tryna give...rolling up my emotions and spancin em with a light...smoking em away all day and through the night...mind was spinnin...couldn't tell you how I was feelin...came from being bright... to always puttin up a fight... I was lost as a teen...even had low self esteem...I use to think to myself why me...I couldn't just let these thoughts be...
...I was behind these 4 walls...i had a bigg big fall...i thought to myself this was the end this was all...but something was telling me this wasn't the end...i soon began to realize how everybody wasn't my friend...
everything lant know... began to show...days started flying...the words i spoke were inspiring...i now know which route I wanna take...and im proud to say i learned from my mistakes...back then i just wanted to sit back and call these folks gang...but i made a change...and will never go back to exchange...forever humble...even when you fumble...as i through it was ending...it was the beginning...
written by: Karina C 15yrs Flipping the script and keepin it real - that's our girl we love you KIDDO
LLMeMe
My Momma had 4 girls...we put the "best" in friends..I never thought our love would come to an end...all them days & all them nights...I never thought your presence would leave my site...you always did say"nothing stay the same..." But I can't believe you left when God called your name...You was so pretty & shined so bright...not even the sun could hide your light...Now you sleep, resting in peace...standing at the gates waiting on me... MeMe I miss you & that ain't no lie...I'm just waiting for the day to meet you in the sky...It's been a year now and I'm still greiving,..I'm surprised at myself that I'm alive still breathing...YK why I'm so strong because you gave me these Bones...I wish heaven had a cell so I could call you on the phone...cause I swear I miss your voice & your funny, loud voice...If you was here today I wouldn't even make a bad choice...You left me here scared...with my guard in the dark...Crying out to Jesus "Why did you take her Oh Lord...December 15th is when my life changed. LLMeMe Im gonna Forever scream your name ~ KayKay
Writen by KayKay 15 yrs Precious, you are an angel here on earth. We love you.
my stormy life
I have been BLESSED with managing my daily living. I must say daily living because each day brings something new that I have to master. Growing up in Washington, D. C. where everything is at a very fast paste, I truly had to run to keep my head above waters.I knew something was wrong but I did not know how to explain it to my loving family or anybody. I just kept it to myself. This caused me to feel as if I was different from my peers. I was often left out of the fun things and had very few friends. Most of them were somewhat like me. My grades were good except math so every summer from 4th grades through 7th I had to go to summer school.
My parents were very involved in my education and they too knew that something was keeping me from becoming all that I could be. My Mom requested that the school needed to find out what was keeping me from understanding simple math (to her it was simple math but to me, it felt like I had a BIG MONSTER in my head). After testing it was discovered that I had a Learning Disability (LD). It is a Blessing that we now knew what the problem so now people could help me work on the problem. I accepted Special Education as my way to maintaining my grades and being able to learn. One of the main factors was that I learned a little different than others. Don’t we all? The test reviled that I had problems processing information. Sometimes I have to do it my way. This may seem off to many but it’s my solution. Just when we thought we had mastered my problems and life was going to be better; I was faced with a bigger MONSTER. This one was Menial Illness.
Again, I was dealing with something that I had kept to myself for a few years. I now know that when something is not right with you, you need to share it with somebody you trust and get some help in dealing with the problem. Two things are very important in life to all of us 1) Sharing your concerns with others and 2) Get help! As a teen, I started to hear voices in my head. These voices became louder and louder and seemed REAL to me. They often told me bad things about people that I loved and people that I didn’t even know. Sometimes they told me to do mean thing to others. When I was eighteen (18) years old the voices told me to go next door and harm a person that was doing things to hurt me. I got a knife and starting banging on her grandmother’s door. The funny thing is the young lady that the voices told me to go after didn’t even live there and never did. My mom did one of the hardest things she probably will ever have to do in her life; she called the police. Somehow, IT HAD TO BE GOD, she was able to get the knife away from me before the police arrived. Just think, I could have been shot by the police because of the knife. The police transported me to a mental hospital. There they diagnosed me as having a disease called Paranoid Schizophrenia. They put me on medication and in a few days the voices became lower and I was able to manage better. It seemed as if a bad storm had just passed over with just a little rain shower left behind.
I can see the sun. The storm in my brain may still be there but I have learned how to manage with support and assistance of others. Remember, I have two major functioning factors that need adjustment and good management each day. That’s why I say that I manage my daily living each day. It sometimes is hard but somehow I along with medication and assistance from others get by. I should add that if you are on medication you must have a good communication with your doctor and a third thing one must do. 3)
Keep your doctor's appointment and take your medications.
I must say, I have had a good life. Even with a learning disability, I was able to go to college bachelors a bachelors degree in social services. I was able to locate a college that specializes in teaching students with LD. I am most proud of the fact that I got my own funds to pay for my education. I went to Rehabilitation Administration and stated my case for a better education and they paid for my college education. Again, asking for help was the key here.
To read more about this stormy life you can get a copy of my book, BRAINSTORM on line at Barnes and Noble.com or at Page Publishing, Inc. New York, NY
I am always,
IZR Galmore
